1. 你的生命需要成為"父母"才完整嗎？
2. 當別人的"父母"對你來說意義是什麼？
3. 你有成為"很棒"的父母的條件嗎？
4. 你怎麼定義自己是爸爸/媽媽？
5. 你在期待什麼？
6. 你們要怎麼一起運作這個"parenting team"？
太多即將成為父母的人，都是抱著幻想"船到橋頭自然直，到時候自然就會妥協必且做的很好"。當這樣的幻想沒辦法實現，你甚至要從哪裡溝通起都不知道，你就會開始覺得沮喪，並且覺得你的伴侶跟小孩讓你非常失望，你應該
1.停止指責，原諒對方彼此互相沒有儘早溝通
2.開始討論自己的童年，並告訴對方自己是怎麼長大的、自己需要什麼樣的幫助、討論成為父母讓自己感到困惑害怕的點、自己期待的家庭生活、及想要使用教育理念
3.傾聽並包容不同的意見，你不一定是對的，一起找到分享你們三個人可以接受的觀念
4.沒有太多的時間可以同時滿足你個人“需求“跟"慾望"，你自己的慾望就得要放一邊等待。
5.找到兩個人可以滿足對方需要的方法，有小孩也不要忘記滿足伴侶。
6.兩個人要快樂。
7.享受成為父母的挑戰，成為一個成熟的學習者。
8.兩個人要一起討論問題找出答案一起教育小孩，就不會感到那麼辛苦孤獨
9.滿足小baby的需求，他會快樂你也會快樂。你應該付起身為伴侶的責任一起討論並且解決問題。
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- Do we want/need to be parents to have a full and vital life as adults together?
- What does being parents mean to us?
- Do we have what it takes to be "great" parents?
- How would we define our roles as mom and dad?
- What do you expect of me?
- How do we want to operate as a parenting team?
Adults becoming parents make a lot of assumptions usually based on a fantasy that, "It'll work out and we'll naturally agree and do this well." When those fantasies don't work out you don't even know where to begin to communicate about the differences you're seeing and how upset you are because your wonderful partner is letting you down; and not just you, your partner is letting you and the baby down.
- Stop blaming the other and forgive each other for not knowing enough to discuss things earlier.
- Begin to discuss your childhoods, how you were each raised, what you want from each other as a co-parent, what confuses you as a parent, what are you unsure of, what frightens you, what excites you, what do you want to do differently than you were parented? What are your expectations for family life, what do you need from each other in this new endeavor called "family." What kind of parenting philosophy do you want to adopt?
- Listen to each other with the kinds of ears that allows you to respect what the other is saying, you don't need to be right, or best, and you want to share ideas and figure out a parenting philosophy that works for all three of you.
- Admit there are not enough hours in a day or week to get all your needs and wants met, and prioritize. See how each of your needs and your baby's needs can be met while understanding and accepting that "wants" may have to wait . but not 18 years until your child goes to college.
- Figure out ways you can nurture each other and give each other important attention so the couple stays alive as your baby thrives.
- Have fun together
- Enjoy the challenging, sometimes frightening and always wonderful journey as parents, and remember to be mutual learners together and be mutual learners with your child
- You don't have to know all the answers, but you do need to consider the questions together, take time outs when you're upset to calm down and figure out rationally how you want to react, know there aren't any rulebooks to follow . you'll learn as you go and if you have a partner who is willing to learn with you, you won't feel so alone.
- When you take care of your baby's needs and your baby is happy, life can be easier for both of you. When your baby is upset or doing something you don't like or you don't understand, be a partner with your spouse and figure it out together.
